My Inner Struggle.

Here is a story I wrote about my struggle with sin and how only Jesus can give me victory in the war soon:

I wake up to the day which has fallen upon me.  I open my eyes to a new morning.  Another day has officially started.  I go about my daily morning rituals and get ready to go to work.  I feel refreshed after my shower.  My commute to work is very long and I read my Bible to pass the time.  The Word is straightforward and true.  They talk about men and women who have a close relationship with God and I desire to have such a relationship, but then I remember all my shortcomings and I realize how much work I have to do in this relationship with Him.  I begin to compare my relationship with God with theirs.  I sometimes give money to the poor and handicapped on the street.  Then, I realize that even with all my good works, I have still fallen short of the Glory of God.  However, it is time to head into work and to start my day.  When my day is over, I am tired and want to go home.  I again head out on a long commute back home and I usually read my Bible on the way home.  By the end of the day, I get home and do some homework and prepare to go to bed.  Maybe, I might stay up and watch videos on YouTube.  Then, I prepare to go to  bed with my nightly rituals (brushing my teeth, preparing my bed, dressing into my pajamas, etc…).  This seems just like a typical day.  However, there is nothing typical about it.

There is a battle raging on.  No, it is not in the Middle East or anywhere else.  The battle is inside me.
When I open my eyes, there is sin and temptation by my bedside, waiting for me to wake up.  When I do, I am challenged even this early in the morning.  Sometimes I resist, sometimes I want to and even give in.  As a new day approaches, I ready my armor for another battle.  The sweat rolls off by my brow.  As I put on my armor, my victories soothe me, but my losses still haunt me.  I have been losing too many battles against the Devil lately.  However, I still prepare myself for battle.  I have finished putting on my armor.  It feels heavy, but it is because I am tired.  Of the fighting, The battle.  The war itself basically.  Why is Satan so determined to hurt me?  Again, I pray to God help me remove my sins and I hope for the day I can finally meet my Savior Jesus Christ.    However, I pray to God every day just before I pick up my sword to fight in this war, wondering when it will be over.   As I step outside, I am instantly greeted by an army of temptations.  Each one clawing to take control over me, but I begin to swing my sword and to injure these temptations.  However, the more of these that are put down the more of them come to attack me.  I raise my shield in hopes of lessing their hits, but some of them seem to penetrate my armor.

I head out further into the battlefield, the enemy is there, trying to seduce me with his words, but I keep resisting and putting my faith in Christ.  I plan out how the enemy might strike and I keep praying to God to keep me going in this struggle.  Then, I charge headfirst into battle, which lasts the entire day and ends just before I go to sleep.  My body is tired and I keep worrying about how God sees me.  How can I be ye perfect?  Please, help me to understand Lord!  As I ready to close my eyes, I still see sin and temptation waiting for me, but then, suddenly!  There is a bright light beyond the horizon behind where they stand.  What kind of light is this?  Then I realize, it is the Light of the Lord, His Son, Jesus Christ, the One Who Overcame the World.  Then, He gently whispers to me, “It is not about how many battles you lose, but your victory in the war.”  Then I see it, the Lord does not care how many times I stumble and fall, He cares about how many times I ask Him to help me back up again and to continue walking on His Path, Lord Jesus Christ.  As I begin to fall asleep, I smile and put my hand on my sword again, readying myself for tomorrow’s battle and looking forward to my victory in this war.  Thank you Lord Jesus Christ.

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