My Voice.

When you think of film, you think of the actors or the story and maybe even the production values.  However, did you ever stop to think about the filmmaker’s voice in the film?  Most filmmakers possess a voice.  Not the kind of voice you hear in a conversation in streets or on the phone, but one expressed through their films.  Some filmmakers may not even express their voice in their films.   As a graduate film student, finding my voice has been a challenge, namely because I don’t know how to categorize my voice.  There are so many aspects to my voice, it is almost impossible to characterize.  However, I have found two recurring aspects to my approach to filmmaking that should give me a glimpse into what my voice can be characterized as.

First, it is helpful to give some background to help understand what factor led to me discovering my voice.  This factor was discovering my purpose in life, which led to me discovering my voice.  I began to think about my purpose in life early in high school.  It was my freshman year and I had an extremely rough start.  I remember sitting down on the bus on my way home and wondering what my purpose in life was.  There had to be a more important reason for me to be here on Earth.  Throughout my four years in high school, I couldn’t shake the feeling I was here to do something important.  Was it to become a leader or a very successful entrepreneur?  I wasn’t sure.  Then, I did some volunteer work at Elmhurst Hospital in Jackson Heights, Queens.   Community service was a requirement for graduating from our high school.  While doing volunteer work in Elmhurst Hospital, I gained an appreciation for helping others.  This, again, forced me to think about what my purpose really was.  Was it to help people?  If so, how would I do this?

It would not be until I started at Queens College that my purpose (and for that matter, my voice) would become more apparent.  In my freshman year, I did not have many friends and I was trying to decide what my major would be.  I remember opening up the college majors handbook and I actually prayed to God for an answer and I turned almost immediately to the page about the media studies major.  I remember thinking to myself, “This is it, this is what I want to do for the rest of my life.”

The following semester, I met a man named a Christian pediatrician from South Korea.  He had become terribly sick and while he was recovering, he had a vision of Jesus.  He felt he had to come to America and preach the Word of God.  He and I would hold Bible studies in the school cafeteria and one day, during Bible study, he handed me a book named, “The Purpose Driven Life” by Pastor Rick Warren.  After reading the book, I finally realized my purpose in life was to spread the Good News and to serve God and to serve others through my work in film and television.  However, I was still unsure about how to do this.  At this time, I was very interested in conspiracy theories and the unstable political situation of this time (President Bush’s presidency and the declining economy), especially those of UFOs and I had also read the Book of Revelation three times and I became fascinated with deciphering its meaning.   I believe this was God’s way of telling me to not only use my skills in film and television to serve Him and other second, but to also act as a messenger and to warn people about the coming tribulations we would face.  I was still, however, unsure about what exactly I was to warn people about.

After my graduation, I was turned down by Brooklyn College to enter their MFA program in Television.  I was very upset and I did not know what else to do with my life.  I again prayed to God and just as I was finished praying, I walked by an advertisement for the MFA program in Documentary Studies and Production.  I decided to apply and I was accepted.  After my first year, I began thinking about what I wanted to do for my thesis project.  I was going to do a film on Socialism in America, but then I became interested in public access television.  I remembered my purpose in life to serve God first and then to serve others and I realized that my film would help others by standing up for the right of their freedom of speech.

It was at this time, I also began to delve more into the world of conspiracy theories and I learned about the true power structure of our government and that our freedom of speech might not be around any longer, if they continue with their plans.   I also heard from some of my friends who received troubling visions recently of the future, which cover that an oppressive world government is being formed (especially during this presidency of Barack Obama and the even more declining economy) and that God is trying to warn the people of this world of this terrible future ahead of them.  I feel these conspiracy theories and these disturbing visions help me to decipher the troubling events mentioned in the Book of Revelation.  I now feel that God wants me to not only serve Him and others second, but to spread this message throughout my career.

This brings me to this paper I have written.  I thought hard about what my voice was and I realized it all along.  I recently realized my purpose in life ties into my voice.  My voice is that of a servant, who is someone who wishes to serve God first and others second.  The second aspect to voice is not really a prophet (you have to be ordained by God to be a prophet and I do not feel this has happened yet for me), but a messenger trying to warn people about what I have learned so far about the coming prophecies mentioned in the Book of Revelation which are about to be fulfilled.  I feel these two aspects are predominantly what my voice is and will be throughout my television and film career.


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